Keys to making your courtship a success (10 mins.)
Have you ever thought about how essential a solid foundation is to building something lasting?
Imagine an architect designing a skyscraper. He doesn't just focus on the beauty of the top, the summit of that building; the most important thing is the foundation. If it's not robust, strong, resilient, and precise, the entire building, no matter how attractive it may appear, risks crumbling.
Courtship is the foundation of a future marriage; it shouldn't be just a time of companionship, but a stage where we evaluate whether two people are destined to be ideal complements in their worship of Jehovah. It's like a puzzle piece that must fit perfectly, not be forced.
A Christian marriage thrives when both partners share spiritual qualities, theocratic goals, and a desire to achieve Christian maturity together. Let's analyze three keys that will help us ensure that courtship fulfills its purpose.
Consider what Jehovah thinks about courtship.
LET'S READ PROVERBS 20:24, 25
"The steps of a man are directed by the Lord. How can anyone understand his own way? 25 It is a trap for a man to hastily cry out, 'Holy!' and only afterward think about the vows he has made."
From this text, we can see that starting a courtship can be exciting, but it's also a very serious step. It's the beginning of a sacred vow before Jehovah.
As we clearly see in verse 25, we should not make promises lightly. Therefore, before committing to a relationship, we must reflect seriously and, as the text says, seek Jehovah's guidance in the best decision.
To achieve this, it's important to understand that the purpose of courtship shouldn't simply be for companionship or to fill an emotional void. It serves to get to know the other person better and see if they're suitable for forming a Christian marriage. If you ultimately decide to separate, it doesn't mean that the courtship failed; rather, it fulfilled its purpose.
Now, this is important: it's not just singles who need to understand the point we've made about dating. We all need to, both married and single.
Why? Because young couples are often pressured into thinking they must get married, that if they started dating, they must eventually get married. This can lead them to continue in a relationship that isn't healthy, that isn't right, that isn't Jehovah's decision.
One sister said, "Some people stay together just because of the pressure, even though they're no longer functioning as a couple." So, understanding the purpose of dating helps you make wise, guilt-free decisions.
We've talked about the first point. Let's now look at the second:
Observe the other person even before you start dating.
We were talking about a construction project overseen by an architect. Well, the architect is Jehovah. He has given all his standards to foster an excellent marriage based on these standards.
But before starting to build, isn't it true that once the architect provides the plans, whoever will be supervising the project has to analyze them carefully to figure out how to begin? The same thing happens at this stage of the courtship.
LET'S READ PROVERBS 20:18
"When there is communication, plans succeed; and wage your war with expert guidance."
Therefore, before starting a relationship, it is very wise to observe.
Ask yourself: What kind of person is he? How does he treat others? Who are his friends? What does he talk about? Do his goals align with yours, especially theocratic ones?
Notice her personality, her way of acting at the Kingdom Hall, in the ministry, or even at social gatherings. You can even talk to mature Christians who know her.
Of course, it's not about conducting a secret investigation, but rather taking precautions before giving your heart to that person. But if you only look at appearances, you could be making a decision based on quicksand, and that building—or that marriage, if it were to happen—would crumble at some point.
Remember, you shouldn't choose just any piece to complete a puzzle, but rather the one that fits perfectly. Likewise, the person with whom you want to build a life must be a true help in serving Jehovah.
Now let's go to the third part.
Get to know the other person well while you are dating.
Very well. The person who examined the plans understood how things should be done. But as the project progresses, aren't there decisions to be made, improvements to be made, corrections to be made, or even new materials to be selected?
The same applies once you've decided to start dating. How do we do it?
LET'S READ PROVERBS 20:5
"The thoughts of a man's heart are like deep waters, but a discerning man knows how to draw them out."
"Deep waters" means that, during courtship, it's important to go beyond the superficial. Honest conversations are needed here, and open-ended questions will help you understand the other person's heart: What do they want to achieve in life? What do they expect from marriage? How do they react to pressure or disagreements?
Perhaps you could share activities like preaching, cooking together, or spending time with family. That will reveal much more than just mere words.
We have an image in our activity guide: a couple of young people who have entered into a relationship are discussing important topics, while, of course, they are watched by some people present. This represents a way of caring for one another. Here, the Faithful Slave gives a clear idea of how these situations should be handled.
Now, what if the relationship is long-distance? The biblical principles we've discussed also apply. Even if it's over a video call, you should talk openly. And if the relationship progresses, seriously evaluate the impact of moving, adapting to a different culture, or taking on new expenses.
Sometimes people say, "Yes, yes, I can do that, no problem, I've traveled before." But this isn't about something temporary, but something permanent. Some have even started a Bible study together to delve deeper into the topics highlighted in the information about dating.
We've seen that Jehovah wants marriage to be a source of joy, stability, and mutual support. Something lasting. So let's remember these three keys:
1. Let us consider what Jehovah thinks. He is the architect.
2. Let us observe wisely before we start dating.
3. Once the relationship has begun, let's get to know the other person well.
If we apply these principles, we will not only avoid unnecessary suffering, but we will also take firm steps toward a happy marriage centered on serving Jehovah.
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